Ask Thumper About Human Snacks

Dear Thumper,
My humans spend every Sunday afternoon watching football, drinking beer and snacking on crunchy foods, but they won't let me have any! I think that's so unfair. What's wrong with letting me have a few Doritos? Isn't beer made from grains and water?
~ Annoyed Bunny Teen

Dear Annoyed,

Don't even think about it! You are a bunny, not a human! If you eat chips and dips it could kill you, and I'm sure alcohol would. I'm not joking. It always upsets me when I hear about my friends getting sick because their humans fed them something bad for bunnies.

We bunnies are instinctively drawn to foods that taste sweet and of course, foods that make a satisfying crunchy sound. No doubt you could outsmart your people and snatch-and-grab some human treats, but you'd get an awful stomachache later. Trust me, you don't want that.

Since you're a teen bunny, they should probably let you have as many pellets as you want until you are done growing in height and length, and piles of fresh hay every day. You should insist on it! And there's nothing wrong with heading over to the refrigerator and asking politely for a nice leafy green.

Having said all that, I agree with you about human attitudes. Some humans think they know it all. There are people who don't feed their bunnies any hay! However, in this case your humans are right; you must not eat any human or junk food. They probably listened to those wonderful Los Angeles Rabbit Foundation volunteers who gave them a strict lecture on the dietary needs of a house rabbit. And it is their job to protect you from yourself. I must say, though, I think it's rude of them to eat chips in front of you. Clearly, rabbits are a more civilized form of life. I suggest you take the high road; in a few months, they will not seem nearly as annoying.

Bunny hugs, Thumper